I would like to clarify something. You and I? We are NOT friends. I don't care for gumbo, I'm not a fan of crawfish, I think swamps are creepy, and I hate muggy weather. You do nothing for me but steal my husband. For this, I am not thankful.
I would like you to know that I am a realist. I understand that travel is part of his job and blah blah blah. But seriously - one week of every month? Are you crazy? This is not a divorce. You do not get 25% custody of my husband. I would never have married you in the first place. And any judge who knows anything about Mardi Gras would deem you an unfit parent and grant you supervised visitation only. That means I should get to come too, but somehow I'm always stuck at home.
You would think that you would at least try to offer me something in return for the sacrifices I make in your behalf. But no. All you have ever given me is tacky Mardi Gras beads and a slightly annoying neighbor. You couldn't even let me have the nice Tabasco company kitchen gifts my husband picked out! Sneaky maids had to take them. That is just so rude.
The only nice thing I can say about you is that my husband appreciates your hospitality. Thanks for taking him fishing out in the gulf. Thanks for filling him up on Southern delicacies so I don't have to eat them. And thanks for teasing him about being the only one in the entire state who doesn't liquor up each night at dinner.
If you could do me just one little courtesy, I would be very grateful. Please return him safely to me. That's all.
Sincerely,
Katie
PS - On behalf of my daughter, I would like to thank you for those tacky Mardi Gras beads. She finds them charming.
2 comments:
Too funny Katie. We really should meet up somewhere or we could come visit when Floyd is away or anytime rather. Nate has been telling me a secret everyday this week and the secret is always, "Mommy can we go play at Coley's house?" He says it in this ever so soft whisper, as if there is someone else around to hear (but there's not). So one of these days really soon we may just have to come bug you for a visit. :)
That was great- Katie! I would feel the same way if Sean had to be gone 1 week each month!
Post a Comment